How NOT to Wake People Up

Are you a morning person? I'm usually not! I know that when I wake up, it's best to leave me alone for a good hour, while I fully awaken. Here are some ideas for how NOT to wake somebody up (please don't try these on me!)*:

1. Fill a bucket with water. Add in a few ice cubes (bonus points for adding in red food dye!). Creep up on your victim, and let icy water fall all over their head! They will emerge from their slumber cold, wet, and surprisingly clean.

2. Round up metal pans and tins, and arrange them on the floor. Begin banging on all of the pans with a metal spoon, very enthusiastically.  Note: this may also wake up the rest of your family!

3. Set all of their alarms forward a few hours, and close the curtains. At 3 in the morning, wake them up abruptly, screaming that they'll be late for school/ work. They'll be so tired, they'll believe you and hurry to jump into the shower!

4. Run into their room wearing a scary mask and flailing a broom around. Shout undistinguishable words, and pound on the walls. Note: This may result in a soiled mattress. :D

5. Grab a small, but heavy object. A brick will do. Heave it at the sleeper, while avoiding the head. The pain will wake them right out of their sleep!

6. Put headphones on the victim. Turn the audio up to max, and blast heavy metal music. Also, get a heavy-duty flashlight, and begin shining the light on their face.

*I am not responsible for any consequences, punishments, restraining orders, or silent treatments that may occur when following these instructions.

Until next time,
<3 Lucero

What I've Learned Over the Years

Yesterday was my 14th birthday, and I must say it was a great one. My mom, brother and I had just flown in at 2 AM, and I had my first softball game that day. My team, the Leopards, didn't win (although it was a close call!) but I still had fun and have some beautiful softball-shaped bruises to remember the day by. Later, we went to Benihana, and I enjoyed seeing the food being prepared in front of me, even though everybody was so jet-lagged we could barely keep our eyes open! We were crankier than a group of prune juice-deprived elderly people forced to listen to heavy metal music. :D

Nonetheless, it was a fantastic birthday, and I really feel like a changed person. I now see things from a different, much more mature perspective. Gone is the year of immaturity and crustiness, and I am now prepared for my year of responsibility and wumbo-ness. **stares profoundly into the distance** And now, I have a list of the top 14 lessons learned throughout my years.

14. Never eat yellow snow. Even though the strange taste is addicting, it's quite unsanitary. I mean, who knows where that lemonade has been!

13. You can't take your pet fish on a walk. Fish are okay swimming in the water. Don't worry, their fins don't need the exercise.

12. Never pull an all-nighter unless you really need to. You'll be so tired in the middle of the day, it won't be worth it.

11. Try not to tell jokes while people are drinking. Personally, I don't like snot-water on my food.

10. If a wall has a sign that says, "Wet paint", just assume the paint is really wet. Don't poke it, or put your back on it (even though your curiosity might get the best of you!)

9. If you're wearing brightly colored undergarments, white pants/ shirt are not the best idea. Especially if your undies have Mickey Mouse on them.

8. Chewing minty gum does not replace actually brushing your teeth. Trust me, people can see the difference.

7. If you ever get your hair stuck on a hair brush, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, reach for the scissors. You'll regret it later!

6. When your baby brother comes home from the hospital, you can't play with him right away. You'll have to wait a few years.

5. Enjoy kindergarten. You get to color, eat glue, and have nap-time. That's not going to happen again for a while.

4. Just because butter tastes good on toast, doesn't mean it is good by itself. Eating a spoonful of the stuff will just make you gag.

3. Before jamming out to your favorite song, make sure that the door and curtains are closed. Not everybody will "get" your interpretative dance, but snaps to you for expressing creativity. **dons beret in a dramatic manner**

2. When learning to juggle, just use balls like everybody else. No need to attempt to juggle eggs, unless you want an omelet on the floor.

1. Just be happy. For every minute that you are angry, that's 60 seconds of happiness you'll never get back.

Until next time,
<3 Lucero

New Year's Resolutions

Hi all! It is now January 2011! :D Since it's the new year,  everybody is now starting with a clean slate. What does that mean? Resolutions! Here are a few of mine:

1. Exercise more. I feel like this past year, I didn't exercise as much as I could have, and I really want to start getting up and moving. Luckily, I'll be in softball and dance class, so I'll have no excuse not to exercise! 

2. Stop asking for large bags, preferably spacious enough to store a body. I hear it really scares people. 

3. Stop procrastinating. I'm definitely one of those people that puts things off until the last moment, and I want that to end.

4. Learn to use chopsticks. With my feet. 

5. Be nicer to my little brother. Yeah, like that's going to happen! :D

6. Keep my room neat. Even though I hate cleaning, I hate seeing my room messy even more! 

7. Never go to sleep with angry thoughts. Going to sleep with mad feelings can be very stressful, on both the mind and body. Instead, I will stay awake and plot my revenge. :P

8. Go to bed at night, and wake up in the morning. What? It seems feasible. 

9. Drink more water. I don't drink nearly as much water as I should, so that's one thing I'll really work towards.

10. Learn how to say, "No, I did not set the mailbox on fire." in 18 different languages. Including Mandarin. 

11. Keep up with my blog. I really enjoy writing blog posts, so one thing I want to do is keep writing throughout the year. 

12. Teach my pet rock to roll over. She's really stubborn about it, but I'm sure that I'll  be able to teach her. 

13. Learn to dance the entire Napolean Dynamite dance, as seen here. It shall be pretty epic. 

14. End lists on numbers not divisible by 5 or 10. 

Until next time, 

<3 Lucero