Scenario Number 1: Your creepy cousin Henry has been stalking you all night. You feel bad for him, so you go up to talk to him. It turns out to be a bad idea, as he begins staring at the floor and naming Pi to the hundredth place. You could:
A: Grin through it, and then go up to get a drink. Offer to get him something. Really, the poor guy doesn't have anybody to talk to, it's only fair.
B: Listen intently as he names them, and then help him when he misses the 134th place (What? Pi is amazing!)
C: Dunk his face in honey, throw feathers on him, point and laugh at his weirdness, "HAHA!! You're a chicken!!".
Scenario Number 2: Your great aunt Hilda hasn't seen you in five years. She asks you lots of questions, and you dutifully answer them until they start to get really personal. Then, she barks out loudly, "So, when are you going to get a boyfriend? You aren't getting any younger!" You can:
A: Politely respond that you don't have time for dating in your life right now. Then redirect the attention and ask about her 27 nieces.
B: Get all huffy and reply that you aren't comfortable talking about that. Walk away with your nose in the air.
C: Glare at her, then reply loudly, "Have you gained weight? A LOT OF WEIGHT?" Then give her a pamphlet on weight-loss programs.
Scenario Number 3: While talking to a distant relative, you make a comment about that lady next to the drinks wearing a horrible outfit. You start going on about how her pants are too tight, until she says, "That's my mom."
A: Apologize. That was really mean of you (but totally true!).
B: Laugh it off. "Just kidding! Too tight pants are the next new thing!" Walk away as fast as possible.
C: Confuse her entirely and shout, "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER?!"
Scenario Number 4: Uh-oh. It looks like Uncle Gary had too much to drink tonight, and is stumbling around aimlessly. What will you do?
A: Make him sit down and ask if he has a ride home. No way are you letting this dude loose on the road!
B: Crack up as he talks nonsense to you while trying to walk around. Did he really just say, "Go pat the logs to bed! I'll be swarfin' up the keyboards yesterday!"
C: Put on loud music and tell him to dance. Record the video, and pass it around to your family the next day. Better yet, post it on YouTube! This will SO go viral! :D
Until next time,
<3 Lucero
Oh my goodness, this is too funny!! Is it bad that I've experienced all of these scenarios, as the person who always inserts foot in mouth. My favorite is "point and laugh!!" :-)
ReplyDelete**opens mouth, inserts foot**
ReplyDelete:D I think I've done that, too!