How to Write the Perfect Valentine Card

Ah, Valentine's Day. It's the day devoted to love, and the holiday that probably strikes the most fear. How do you write the perfect Valentine? Too mushy, and you look desperate. Too laid back, and it seems as though you don't care. No worries! I've created a template to help you write the perfect card for anybody in your life. It's perfect for your crush, your best friend, your mom, your frenemy, your dog, you name it! This card is one-fits-all! Just print it out, and circle all that apply.

Dear [insert person's name here],

I think you are [really neat/ the most attractive mortal to walk the face of the earth/ kind of weird]. When I hear your name, I [smile/ feel my heart beat race/ feel anger rush through my veins]. Your eyes are [brown/ a crystal clear ocean of blue/ too ugly to look at]. Your hair [is also brown/ is like a curtain of chocolatey silk/ in need of a cut]. Your hands are [small/ porcelain perfection/ oversized and hairy]. Your personality is [awesome/ wonderful, and awe-inspiring in every way/ horrible]. I really love it when you [tell jokes/ laugh with your perfect, delicate laughter/ stay away from me]. Along with this card, I've attached [a box of candy hearts/ a dozen perfect red roses along with expensive imported chocolate/ a punch in the face]. I hope you have a [cool/ utterly romantic/ stupid] Valentine's Day!

[Your friend/ All my love/ I hate you],
[Insert your own name here]

I hope this helps! Until next time,
<3 Lucero

How NOT to Wake People Up

Are you a morning person? I'm usually not! I know that when I wake up, it's best to leave me alone for a good hour, while I fully awaken. Here are some ideas for how NOT to wake somebody up (please don't try these on me!)*:

1. Fill a bucket with water. Add in a few ice cubes (bonus points for adding in red food dye!). Creep up on your victim, and let icy water fall all over their head! They will emerge from their slumber cold, wet, and surprisingly clean.

2. Round up metal pans and tins, and arrange them on the floor. Begin banging on all of the pans with a metal spoon, very enthusiastically.  Note: this may also wake up the rest of your family!

3. Set all of their alarms forward a few hours, and close the curtains. At 3 in the morning, wake them up abruptly, screaming that they'll be late for school/ work. They'll be so tired, they'll believe you and hurry to jump into the shower!

4. Run into their room wearing a scary mask and flailing a broom around. Shout undistinguishable words, and pound on the walls. Note: This may result in a soiled mattress. :D

5. Grab a small, but heavy object. A brick will do. Heave it at the sleeper, while avoiding the head. The pain will wake them right out of their sleep!

6. Put headphones on the victim. Turn the audio up to max, and blast heavy metal music. Also, get a heavy-duty flashlight, and begin shining the light on their face.

*I am not responsible for any consequences, punishments, restraining orders, or silent treatments that may occur when following these instructions.

Until next time,
<3 Lucero

What I've Learned Over the Years

Yesterday was my 14th birthday, and I must say it was a great one. My mom, brother and I had just flown in at 2 AM, and I had my first softball game that day. My team, the Leopards, didn't win (although it was a close call!) but I still had fun and have some beautiful softball-shaped bruises to remember the day by. Later, we went to Benihana, and I enjoyed seeing the food being prepared in front of me, even though everybody was so jet-lagged we could barely keep our eyes open! We were crankier than a group of prune juice-deprived elderly people forced to listen to heavy metal music. :D

Nonetheless, it was a fantastic birthday, and I really feel like a changed person. I now see things from a different, much more mature perspective. Gone is the year of immaturity and crustiness, and I am now prepared for my year of responsibility and wumbo-ness. **stares profoundly into the distance** And now, I have a list of the top 14 lessons learned throughout my years.

14. Never eat yellow snow. Even though the strange taste is addicting, it's quite unsanitary. I mean, who knows where that lemonade has been!

13. You can't take your pet fish on a walk. Fish are okay swimming in the water. Don't worry, their fins don't need the exercise.

12. Never pull an all-nighter unless you really need to. You'll be so tired in the middle of the day, it won't be worth it.

11. Try not to tell jokes while people are drinking. Personally, I don't like snot-water on my food.

10. If a wall has a sign that says, "Wet paint", just assume the paint is really wet. Don't poke it, or put your back on it (even though your curiosity might get the best of you!)

9. If you're wearing brightly colored undergarments, white pants/ shirt are not the best idea. Especially if your undies have Mickey Mouse on them.

8. Chewing minty gum does not replace actually brushing your teeth. Trust me, people can see the difference.

7. If you ever get your hair stuck on a hair brush, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, reach for the scissors. You'll regret it later!

6. When your baby brother comes home from the hospital, you can't play with him right away. You'll have to wait a few years.

5. Enjoy kindergarten. You get to color, eat glue, and have nap-time. That's not going to happen again for a while.

4. Just because butter tastes good on toast, doesn't mean it is good by itself. Eating a spoonful of the stuff will just make you gag.

3. Before jamming out to your favorite song, make sure that the door and curtains are closed. Not everybody will "get" your interpretative dance, but snaps to you for expressing creativity. **dons beret in a dramatic manner**

2. When learning to juggle, just use balls like everybody else. No need to attempt to juggle eggs, unless you want an omelet on the floor.

1. Just be happy. For every minute that you are angry, that's 60 seconds of happiness you'll never get back.

Until next time,
<3 Lucero

New Year's Resolutions

Hi all! It is now January 2011! :D Since it's the new year,  everybody is now starting with a clean slate. What does that mean? Resolutions! Here are a few of mine:

1. Exercise more. I feel like this past year, I didn't exercise as much as I could have, and I really want to start getting up and moving. Luckily, I'll be in softball and dance class, so I'll have no excuse not to exercise! 

2. Stop asking for large bags, preferably spacious enough to store a body. I hear it really scares people. 

3. Stop procrastinating. I'm definitely one of those people that puts things off until the last moment, and I want that to end.

4. Learn to use chopsticks. With my feet. 

5. Be nicer to my little brother. Yeah, like that's going to happen! :D

6. Keep my room neat. Even though I hate cleaning, I hate seeing my room messy even more! 

7. Never go to sleep with angry thoughts. Going to sleep with mad feelings can be very stressful, on both the mind and body. Instead, I will stay awake and plot my revenge. :P

8. Go to bed at night, and wake up in the morning. What? It seems feasible. 

9. Drink more water. I don't drink nearly as much water as I should, so that's one thing I'll really work towards.

10. Learn how to say, "No, I did not set the mailbox on fire." in 18 different languages. Including Mandarin. 

11. Keep up with my blog. I really enjoy writing blog posts, so one thing I want to do is keep writing throughout the year. 

12. Teach my pet rock to roll over. She's really stubborn about it, but I'm sure that I'll  be able to teach her. 

13. Learn to dance the entire Napolean Dynamite dance, as seen here. It shall be pretty epic. 

14. End lists on numbers not divisible by 5 or 10. 

Until next time, 

<3 Lucero

Christmas!

Hello all!

Yesterday was Christmas, my favorite holiday of the year. This has been the best one yet, and I loved the entire day!

I guess Christmas actually started Christmas Eve, when my family and I attended 9 'o clock mass. Mass before Chistmas day has been our tradition, and I really like it, because we get to praise the real meaning of Christmas before everybody actually opens the presents. After church, we went home and all of us got to open a present or two. I got an iPad (which I am writing on right now!), tons of makeup that I've been asking for, and a brand new Louis Vuitton purse!! I was SO not expecting a new purse! I'm incredibly happy with it. :D

By this time it was around Midnight, so after we opened a few presents, we went over to our friends, Angela and Denver's house (and their three girls, Avalon, Tristan, and Josilynn). They had food and some of their relatives over, and we got to watch everybody open presents around the tree. there were a lot of laughs, and it was a great time! :) We went home at around 2:30 AM!

The following morning, I woke up at 9 and got ready for my grandma's house. I put on a new dress that I got especially for the occasion, and used some of my brand new makeup. :) At around 10:30, we got all the presents and drove to the house. After all of my cousins arrived, we started handing out the presents. My favorite part was watching all of my younger cousins open their gifts. :D

After all the gifts were opened, we ate turkey and ham. Some more relatives arrived, and the uncles started a fire outside. I hung out with my two oldest cousins, Lauren and Allison. I spent most of the afternoon outside by the fire. My legs got really cold since I was only wearing leggings and flats!

Eventually, at 8 o' clock my family and I went home and relaxed. This has been such a wonderful holiday,and I hope you all had a great Christmas too!

Until next time,
<3 Lucero

Just an Update :)

Hello all!

This is just a quick update, since I haven't posted in nearly 2 weeks. I'm in Texas right now, which if you've read my previous posts, I'm extremely excited about! My mom, brother and I arrived in San Antonio on the 12th. There were long flights (from Dubai to London was 8 hours, and from London to Dallas was 9.5 hours!), but the voyage was otherwise painless, despite missing a flight!

We spent the first several days just shopping and eating at all of our favorite fast food joints such as Chick-Fil-A or Bill Miller's BBQ. I got to update my wardrobe a bit with Forever 21, and I also managed to buy presents for my family and friends (I found the Naked Palette by Urban Decay which is sold out everywhere!! Shh!) We've also visited all of my cousins and uncles, which was probably my favorite part!

On the 17th, my dad arrived from Dubai. He had only two flights, although his main one from Dubai to Houston was 16 hours long! Again, we ate at more fast food places like Taco Cabana or Peter Piper's. My dad also helped shop for our male relatives.

Overall, I've been loving being here in Texas with family! It's just a wonderful experience, and I am overwhelmed by the amazing Christmas atmosphere. :)

Until next time,
<3 Lucero

How to Handle Awkward Situations

2 days until I go home! EEP! Especially since this is the holiday season, this means lots of family parties/ get-togethers. Unfortunately, not every social gathering is perfect. Somebody is bound to get into one awkward situation or another (but it's okay, we love our family anyways! :D). Never fear! I'm here to help you survive these embarrassing moments.

Scenario Number 1: Your creepy cousin Henry has been stalking you all night. You feel bad for him, so you go up to talk to him. It turns out to be a bad idea, as he begins staring at the floor and naming Pi to the hundredth place. You could:

A: Grin through it, and then go up to get a drink. Offer to get him something. Really, the poor guy doesn't have anybody to talk to, it's only fair. 

B: Listen intently as he names them, and then help him when he misses the 134th place (What? Pi is amazing!)

C: Dunk his face in honey, throw feathers on him, point and laugh at his weirdness, "HAHA!! You're a chicken!!". 

Scenario Number 2: Your great aunt Hilda hasn't seen you in five years. She asks you lots of questions, and you dutifully answer them until they start to get really personal. Then, she barks out loudly, "So, when are you going to get a boyfriend? You aren't getting any younger!" You can:

A: Politely respond that you don't have time for dating in your life right now. Then redirect the attention and ask about her 27 nieces.

B: Get all huffy and reply that you aren't comfortable talking about that. Walk away with your nose in the air.

C: Glare at her, then reply loudly, "Have you gained weight? A LOT OF WEIGHT?" Then give her a pamphlet on weight-loss programs.

Scenario Number 3: While talking to a distant relative, you make a comment about that lady next to the drinks wearing a horrible outfit. You start going on about how her pants are too tight, until she says, "That's my mom."

A: Apologize. That was really mean of you (but totally true!).

B: Laugh it off. "Just kidding! Too tight pants are the next new thing!" Walk away as fast as possible. 

C: Confuse her entirely and shout, "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER?!"

Scenario Number 4: Uh-oh. It looks like Uncle Gary had too much to drink tonight, and is stumbling around aimlessly. What will you do?

A: Make him sit down and ask if he has a ride home. No way are you letting this dude loose on the road!

B: Crack up as he talks nonsense to you while trying to walk around. Did he really just say, "Go pat the logs to bed! I'll be swarfin' up the keyboards yesterday!"

C: Put on loud music and tell him to dance. Record the video, and pass it around to your family the next day. Better yet, post it on YouTube! This will SO go viral! :D

Until next time,
<3 Lucero